England’s Joe Root didn’t just score a century at the Gabba, he saved the world from a pitch invasion of a very different kind. With Matthew Hayden vowing to run nude around the MCG if Root failed to hit a ton this Ashes, the England skipper’s bat may have just saved Christmas (and our eyes).
It’s the most wonderful time of the year – trees are up, lights are on, and thankfully, Matthew Hayden’s trousers are still firmly in place.
As England’s Joe Root finally brought up his maiden Ashes century on Australian soil in his 18th Test Down Under, he didn’t just lift England’s spirits, he saved millions from a visual they’d never unsee: Hayden’s festive baubles on full display at the MCG.
In the lead-up to the 2025–26 Ashes, Hayden boldly declared that if Root failed to score a hundred during the tour, he’d run nude around the Melbourne Cricket Ground. No metaphors. No filter. Just one very confident Aussie and one very real threat to public decency.
But Root, perhaps sensing the seriousness of the situation (and the temperature in December), delivered a classy ton under the Gabba lights, ending his long drought and sparing the world what could only be described as an X-rated lap of honour.
A Christmas Miracle in Cricket Whites
As Root flicked Scott Boland off his pads to the boundary, England fans erupted. But no one was more relieved than Hayden, who quickly chimed in with a cheeky congratulatory message:
“G’day Joe, congratulations mate. Took you a while and there was no one with more skin in the game than me, literally.”
He’s not wrong.
Had Root fallen short once again, the Boxing Day Test might’ve had more streak than strategy. Thankfully, the only thing swinging at the MCG this summer will be the ball. not Hayden’s bits.
The True Spirit of the Ashes
Root’s century was a gift to England fans, a win for Christmas modesty, and a timely reminder that some promises should never, ever be fulfilled.
So this festive season, as you hang your ornaments and jingle your bells, spare a thought for Joe Root, the man who batted not just for his team, but for the entire world’s optical safety.
And to Matthew Hayden: thanks for the laughs, mate. And for keeping your kit on.
